There is nothing like waking up the next morning or afternoon snuggled up next to your previous evenings companion.  She could be rubbing her ass seductively next to your dick and you are contemplating making sweet sweet love and then it hits.  You know what I’m talking about.  The previous evenings food, alcohol, hell just your body saying, “WE HAVE A HIGH PRESSURE SITUATION THAT NEEDS IMMEDIATE RELEASE” or something to that effect.  You gotta take a massive shit.  Ask yourself what do you do?

The first time this happened to me I was in Costa Rica and I managed to pickup a non-pro girl (least she told me that even though I think I met her in a giant ass hooker bar).  My body wasn’t taking no for an answer and I could not delay dropping the kids off at the pool.  So being the gentleman that I am I hauled ass to the bathroom and opened the pressure valve and it wasn’t pretty.  Lets just say I wasn’t in need of fiber at that point.  I blew the bowl up but the problem was my body had a bit of a bug and it was going to empty itself out repeatedly regardless of my sleeping companion and my desire to hide my bowel indiscretions.  I at least thanked the Costa Rican gods of Mongering that there was a window in the bathroom but the bed and the bathroom weren’t that far apart.  It was pretty bad in there and the window wasn’t helping that much.  Needless to say there was no morning boom boom once she caught a whiff of what I birthed in that bathroom.  She woke up and quickly made a beeline for the door.  Good thing I could always find another that looked just like her.

That was just the first in what has a been a regularly occurring theme in my mongering.  Normally I can boot the girl out of the room before bad things happen in my lower intestinal track but not always.  Now I just deal with it and go with the flow (literally).  Asian mongering has Latin American and European mongering beat for dropping a deuce.  Asians hate body odor and with the temperature being only slightly cooler than the surface of the Sun showers are common.  So usually if I have the girl still asleep in the bed (When have you ever known a hooker to wake up early?) I take the Browns to the Super Bowl and immediately hit the shower.  The steam clears the air and helps with the post Blown O Ring cleanup.  I can usually score morning boom boom so I take it as a win/win situation.

Now lets flip the coin from the monger to the provider.  Yes I have had the girls blow up my bathroom and its bad.  Now for those of you that haven’t traveled to Developing/Third World Nations you need to know that plumbing isn’t the greatest.  Throwing used paper in the toilet is a recipe for a call to the plumber.  So you get used to the girls throwing the paper in the trash bin that is usually near the toilet.  That doesn’t bother me any more but what annoys the hell out of you is when the girls leave floaters.  The concept of curtesy flush is unknown to them.  Nothing is more stomach turning and libido smashing then to take a piss and see the floater staring at you.  I don’t care how much Viagra you got in your system its not a site that fantasies are made out of (Ed: What about Scatlover.com?).

So in the end I always ask myself if it’s Worth a Deuce and if so can I hide the fact I just dropped a deuce.

Spanky

PS – Title stolen from KISS so enjoy!