The Art of the Trip Report. The following is a trip report generator for the monger who wishes to pump his empty life up to levels that may be revered or at least acknowledged as less than a complete zero.

I went to __________________ (Fill in the location) to find _____________(select any from below)
A. Cheap Pussy
B. Cheap Pussy and get shit faced drunk every day
C. Cheap Pussy and get some cheap dental work done
D. Cheap Pussy and get shit faced every day and have some cheap dental work

I met a girl and _____________(select any from below)
A. She was drop dead gorgeous
B. She was gorgeous and I talked her down to half the usual price
C. She was gorgeous and usual rate was $$$$$ but because of my game she only wanted $
D. She was gorgeous and told me all she wanted was taxi fare because she wanted me
E. She was gorgeous and offered me $$$ to take her

When we got to the room __________(select any from below)
A. She blew me without a condom
B. She blew me without a condom and swallowed
C. She blew me without a condom and tossed my salad
D. She blew me without a condom, tossed my salad and swallowed

Then _________________(select any from below)
A. I ate her until she came
B. I ate her until she came 3 times
C. I ate her until she came then fucked her bareback
D. I ate her until she came then fucked her bareback 3 times in 3 different holes

When we finished_____________(select any from below)
A. She told me that was the best sex she ever had
B. She told me I was the best she ever had and she loved me
C. She told me she could not take the money. She wanted a real relationship
D. She told me my dick was so big she would too sore to work for a week.

As she was leaving__________________(select any from below)
A. She said she wanted to see me tomorrow for free
B. She said she would never forget me
C. She said she wanted to marry me and have my babies
D. She said I love you and your leche tastes like vanilla pudding.

The real trip report would be more like this.

I went to ____________ for some cheap pussy.
When I got there (select any from below)
A. I got shit face drunk
B. I got shit faced and met this girl
C. I got shitfaced and this girl found me
D. I got shit faced and this girl followed me back to my room

When we got to the room (select any from below)
A. She had a dick
B. I passed out
C. She had a dick and I passed out
D. I fucking don t remember

Then ___________(select any from below)
A. She had a dick but I was shit faced and I fucked her anyway
B. She had a dick and I passed out and she fucked me in the ass
C. I passed out and she stole everything in the room including the toilet paper and my clothes
D. I passed out and she fucked me in the ass then stole everything in the room

The next morning she woke me up_______(select any from below)
A. I said “Goddamn! you went from Beyoncé to Sasquatch in less than 6 hours”
B. I sad “Can you help get this condom out of my ass”?
C. I said “Did they know you were a Tranny when you were “Tica of the Month”?
D. I said “WTF” Let’s get some breakfast but you really need to shave first