This represents the last post from Mama Spanky’s house. It’ also marks the moment where it has felt I am finally about to do what I set out to do almost 4 years ag0 – move to Thailand. Since March when I resigned from work it has felt that time stands still.
Too Long Waiting
One of the things that has been apparent during this entire process is that I delayed it too long. There were some practical reasons for the delay. Others were to be nice and spend time with families.
The practical part was I had to wait for my lease to expire. That means I could have left for Thailand on June 1. It just meant that I would have moved up the timeline for things instead of delaying them until I arrived here in Florida.
Spending time with the family has been an exercise in frustration at times. I would never recommend staying this long with a family member. No matter what your relationship it.
I have been staying with Mama Spanky since June 5. It is now July 7th. I could have left June 15th and been happy with my choice.
Spending time with your mother who has this idea of you that you are one way when you are clearly different. It’s been a frustrating experience at times. Trying to convince a 71 year old woman that you have been a fully functional adult for some time now is like telling a wall to paint itself. You just keep telling the wall to paint but it’s never going to happen.
I think in the end she finally got a dose that I am what I am. What her vision of me isn’t what I am really like. She finally admitted that she didn’t really know me. Which is correct.
Part of what drove this is my mongering. I keep it to myself for the most part. No one needs to know that I bang hookers for fun and run a monger website. The other part is, I had a job that took so much of my time and a hobby that took the rest. Plus, I hadn’t lived at home in 20+ years.
Life goes on and people change. Trying to live with a parent again is painful until you finally get honest with each other. While a parent will always view you as a child. They still need to recognize that you are an adult too. Which can be painful.
While I have been waiting for my flight I have been staying busy. Part of it has been working freelance jobs and billing that. Doing all the little bullshit tasks that seem to crop up that need to be done before I leave.
While I had some of my own projects I just haven’t gotten to them. I have done more home improvement projects in the last 30+ days then I have done in my entire life. There is a new appreciation of power tools and even having the proper tool to do a job.
While this has helped to pass the time you still know in the back of your mind that the clock is moving slow. Each day I would wake up and just do a count.
Time Stands Still
If you make the choice to give it up and make a move just do it the minute you get on the plane. Don’t delay your time beyond what you need for practical reasons. If you have a personal committment cut it as short as possible.
Time stands still and you just want to go. You will feel frustration with the need to just get on with your life instead of being in a weird fugue state that just leaves you waiting.