I am sure some of this may be seen in other parts of Thailand but there are certain things you only see in Pattaya. Living here, you just get used to the weird and the surreal.

A Cock And Self Pleasure

This isn’t exactly going where you think its going. It’s slightly twisted but not at all what you think.

Riding my bike down a side soi and there in the middle of the road is a fucking rooster, fighting cock to be exact. Guess he escaped his cage and was just cruising the street. I’m like, holy shit, how often do you see a giant cock just struttin along a soi.

Soi dogs are just that, dogs that live on the streets. Not the biggest fan of them because they can be aggressive fuckers at time. So I avoid them most of the time. I was in a friends car and there was a dog in the middle of the soi. Normally I advocate running them over, instead this dog was basically jerking himself in the middle of the soi using his hind legs to get off.

Never really saw either of these in America.

Tomboys and Ladyboys

This is really only a Pattaya thing in regards to the sheer volume that is here. Tomboys are girls that look and dress like Thai men. Don’t think butch lesbians that most Westerners think of when it comes to lesbians. They are small and petite which is the giveaway that they are a tomboy versus a small Thai guy.

Interesting thing about tomboys is they aren’t man haters. Most are cool and you can have a chat with them. Get to know them and you should see the sheer amount of hot women these girls get. I was like I need to hang out with you more often. Girls like them because they are women too but look like man so have the best of both worlds. Most Thai girls have had dalliances with a tomboy at some point. Hell, there is an entire bar scene setup just for them.

Moving on to the world of gender ambiguity is ladyboys. I know I have delved into this topic but the more I live here the more I just go whatever. Most guys in the circle I run with have been with them. I have been to ladyboy bars and had a great time. They are funny as shit provided they aren’t having hormonal issues. Nothing is more fun than waiting in the bathroom room queue with 2 ladyboys in front of you and 1 behind you, all flirting outrageously with you. Call it gay if you want but it’s rather amusing to have that many “girls” via for your attention. Trust me, normal ladies don’t do that.

Headlights Are For Pussies

With the hours I work, I drive home late at night. You would think working headlights and taillights would be something fairly important to have. In Thailand? Those things are for pussies.

Street lighting isn’t the greatest in Pattaya and most of the signage is out when I go home so its a bit dark when I go home. I must pass about 5 or 6 bikes nightly in my 5-7 minute commute that don’t have working lights.

If a Thai can avoid spending money on getting shit fixed they will. Unsafe or not, it’s clearly your fault if you didn’t see them because they had no working lights. Clearly, headlights are for pussies.

Tattoos And Piercings

There are roving tattoo people on beaches and walking around bars doing quick and easy tattoo work. Being extensively tatted up I can tell you that you generally want to have this done in a clean and sterile environment. Not say, in the middle of a bar or on a beach chair. Generally the “artist” doesn’t wear gloves, I would be highly suspicious of the cleanliness of the tattoo gun (remember Thais ain’t spending money unless they have to). Then the general quality of the work. Yet, I see dumbass tourists doing this all the time. Here is a hint, if you don’t see a Thai doing it, smart thing is don’t do it yourself.

Moving on to piercings, again, you want some general cleanliness involved when someone shoves a needle in your body. There are roaming vendors selling all sorts of shit, depends on the market but the biggest one is for girls working in bars. So one night I am watching one of my staff talking to the jewelry seller, next thing I know she’s got a needle shoved in her nose for a new piercing. I saw the seller just wipe the needle with alcohol (I hope), and then boom, sticks it in the girls nose. No gloves, no preamble, just needle shoved through.

Girl comes into the bar as I sit there in horror about 5 minutes later and goes boss look! I just shook my head and went up to you in Thai.

Only In Pattaya

Pattaya isn’t Thailand. So if you visit here thinking you are getting an authentic Thai experience, I got some bad news for you. It’s a place full of misfits and outcasts both Thai and farang. Why I blend in as much as I do.

There are things you just shake your head at in disbelief and other things you just laugh at. There is a city in America called Austin and it’s slogan is Keep Austin Weird. Clearly they have never seen Pattaya. Weird is normal here. If you are normal then you are the one that is an outcast.

Spanky