I know some of you are going to roll your eyes but honestly this is a first for me. Living with a woman.

My Bathroom Is Now Hers

I knew women had a load of shit, I have seen it with my some of my longer term guests. This has gone beyond normal. Now I have all my countertop space gone. She has taken over the bathroom completely.

There is makeup, mirrors, creams, perfumes, powders, you name it’s on the counter.

Then in the shower itself she has different soap, shampoo and conditioner. I don’t buy cheap shit so I am like why the hell do you need all that? She looked at me like I was stupid and pointed out her hair is colored and needed better shampoo than the shit I already had. I went ok and walked away. I knew I was defeated.

She Eats Non-Stop

If you remember from the last post I wrote about her I pointed out that she adores 7-11 food. I know now that she can’t cook worth a fuck. It’s going to be me manning the kitchen or we are eating out a lot.

Last night she got in from work and thank fuck no 7-11. Nope, instead it was McDonalds. Nothing says fun like smelling McDonalds at 2 in the morning after being woken up from a sleep by the door being opened. I was like for fucksakes, do you eat anything that is healthy unless I cook it or buy it? She just stared at me again. The girl has a deep love for fried chicken. I don’t care if it’s Thai or McDonalds.

I won’t even get into the endless snacks she has brought in. She takes great offense when I am like not really interested. Then I get them shoved into my mouth. I am like really, I rather not.

Getting Ready To Go Out

I never knew a woman could take so long to get ready to go out. I don’t give a shit if we are going to the market or she is going to work. I have to wait for her to put on 18 layers of makeup. Do her hair. Then outfit selection.

What the fuck? I can shit, shower, and shave and be dressed in 15 minutes flat. That includes dealing with my long hair. Granted her’s is longer than mine but I’m shoulder length now and can still manage a quick blow dry and and be ready. Her? It’s a good 30 to 45 minute process. What the fuck? Seriously, just throw some shit on and let’s go!

Thai Music And Singing

I write this as I hear Thai music coming from the bathroom I once had sole possession of and her singing along to the song. Most Thai songs are sappy as love songs that just suck ass. Usually some broken hearted bullshit with the singer lamenting that the boy or girl dumped their ass or their affection wasn’t returned. I can see why suicide rates are high among Thais. The music is making me consider jumping off my balcony.

Don’t even get me started with shitty music quality coming from tiny cell phone speakers while in the bathroom.

If that isn’t enough, if she isn’t watching brain melting Thai variety shows she has learned to use my Amazon Fire Box to hit YouTube. So I get blasted with the crap. Thank fuck I can tune it out and just ignore it. Either on my computer or reading. I figure once she leaves for work TV is mine so I let her have it.

Speaking Of Work

She is currently working a bar with shit hours as a cashier and hustles drinks. If she barfines I really don’t care so if anyone wants to point that out it’s not something I personally give a shit about. Don’t think she has because has been home every night she has worked. Much to my sleep detriment.

She is quitting this Friday and will go in search of a job that doesn’t require me to be woken up at 2AM or later by the odorous smell of either 7-11 or McDonalds. She supposedly has other work lined up. I will hold my breath on that. As I indicated, I made it very clear I am not paying for her to sit on her ass as so many farangs do. Give them “salary”. I am like honey if I have to go and earn some Baht so do you. This condo doesn’t pay for itself and your eating habits and going to quickly drain my bank account!

Living With A Woman

While intellectually I knew women did all this the reality has been a bit of a culture shock. If I known living with a woman was going to be like this I think I would have went gay except for the sex part. Just like living with any other dude I suspect. I just would require separate bedrooms. Can’t have any accidental touching!

It’s been an eye opening experience and one that has thrown me for a loop. I do look forward to her heading out to either visit her friends or going to work. It gives me some alone time. A an introvert I need that. Granted, she’s rather quiet and doesn’t bother me much it’s the rest of the stuff that wears me out. I get it’s an adjustment period on my part since I have lived alone for so much of my life.

Until then I will continue to learn what it’s like to be living with a woman.

Spanky