I am home and coming home to 0 Celsius or 32 Fahrenheit, and then having to go out and replace a battery in a car just sucks.

I personally would not have returned home and to be honest I haven’t wanted to be in these United States for a long time.  This isn’t the illusion that anywhere else in the world is better or that living the fantasy life of mongering is a reality it’s not.  I just haven’t been happy here in a long time.  My eyes have seen too much of the world now and the lifestyle I lead here isn’t what I really want anymore.

To be clear Spanky isn’t {Name Redacted}, as much as {Name Redacted} is Spanky.  I’m something in-between the two.  My real life is what most people call the American dream.  I have a house, have a job that pays me stupid amounts of money, I have a car that most would die for.  In effect I should be happy but I’m not.  I’m tired of doing the same thing year after year.  The saying that those that die with the most toys win is bullshit.  I used to think that but why?  I mean what do you get for it at the end?  Nothing.

I returned home for two reasons.  My Mother would absolutely kill me if I missed Christmas with the family.  It is the one holiday that I am required to attend these days as I don’t do the rest.  The second reason is my Father may have lung cancer and he is getting a biopsy today for the mass in his lung.  While death threats from my Mom aren’t a new thing for me the issue with my Father is.  I will be needed here which was the real decider for me to return.

The question now remains is how long do I stay and what the exit plan is.  I’m realistic that working overseas will be damn near impossible and I have a nest egg that will allow me to live in some comfort for a year as I find some source of income.  With my skill set it won’t be that hard to find work but it’s still something I need to be worried about.  Plus the concern of living some place else means complete self reliance as I will have to pay insurance out of pocket, and the general daily living expenses along with the bureaucratic nightmare of living in another country and complying with their visa system.

In all there is some heavy thinking to do.

Sorry for the downer post.  Happiness and regularity will return when the somber mood lifts.