Have A Drink On Me

Have A Drink On Me

Have a drink on me, great song by AC/DC and one that is rarely ever covered by any band in a bars I have been in.  I mean, why not a drinking song like that?  It’s all about getting drunk.  I bring this up because it seems there has been a trend lately in my life with the various bars I do frequent that I have some how been put on this earth to purchase drinks for all staff so they can make money.  It’s annoying and to some extent rude so I being the equanimous (look it up) have taken a new approach to it.

My new strategy was founded in a bar I have been known to frequent on Walking St specifically for the band.  I’m well-known there and I get treated well but the annoying part is that whoever my server is suddenly starts coming in with a fuckton (recognized unit of measurement) of their friends who suddenly want drinks.  That got fucking old and expensive real quick so I quickly thought of a strategy that would make my message loud and clear but keep things from being hostile.

Me: “I come here often do I not?”

Server: “Yes”

Me: “I am generous am I not?”

Server: “Yes”

Me: “So why do you mistreat me by bringing people I have no interaction with and asking me to buy drinks?  I do not owe them and I do not know them.  Why should I pay?”

Server: “You good man. Have good heart” (this btw is standard Thai bullshit handed to farangs they don’t assume who know better)

Me: “Thank you.  Now, next person you bring over I will ask you to pay for the drink and then get me my check bin and I will leave.”

Server: “Sorry.  I understand now.”

Happily that was the end of the exchange and I still got my drinks and I never had another problem again.  The server completely understood where I was coming from, I didn’t freak out, I didn’t scream, I didn’t do much of anything except address her in a calm manner and explain my thoughts.  Invoking the Thai thought process of owing and knowing them I backed her into a corner and she knew I had her.  She saved face and I established that I was higher up the food chain then her.

This has went on in some of the other bars I have frequented and I will freely admit to creating some of these monsters myself by not saying no and Thais are really good at ignoring shit even when they know it pisses you off.  So I was drawing lines in the sand all over the place. There was no more bring me my beer and suddenly have 5 lady drinks shoved into my bin just because I was there.  Unless I was getting something out of it like a manicure and pedicure (hell yes I got them in a bar!) or a massage or my dick rubbed on the drinks stopped flowing.  My bins became remarkably less.  Sure I got some looks at times but once the rules were established it was amazing how many would find something to do for me.

I think my final point to illustrate this was a waitress and her friend.  I banged the waitress who still fucking txts me and calls me tilak (look it up).  Her friend was a waitress as well and the hustler and English speaker.  Since my Thai was good enough I didn’t really need her but I was trying for a three-way as I’m a horrible man.  Yet, the friend comes over and I had been watching her work over this Japanese guy and he had a line of drinks for her already.  So she comes over and asks me to buy her a drink.  I merely smiled, point to the Japanese guy and said in Thai, “I think you have few over there”.  She laughed and smiled and rubbed my dick and walked away.  Mission accomplished.

So the next time some girl hits you up for a drink, ask yourself, whats in it for you and do you know her.  If you can answer either of those in a positive way, then feel free to hum AC/DC – Have A Drink On Me.

Spanky