ID-10064717Food poisoning is something I would not wish on anyone.  Big Daddy got a wicked case of it and then I followed up with my own case of it.  Big Daddy wasn’t sure what gave him his but I am sure mine was triggered by a bad batch of Thai barbecue at 3 AM.  I felt fine during that morning but as the day progressed it just got worse and worse.  It was the final day for a friend of ours before he flew home so I toughed it out.  I was getting a fever and my stomach had bloated to the point of no return and I wasn’t drinking beer.  I know at one point I went to the pharmacy and asked for some anti-gas tablets but it had zero effect on me.

I found myself sitting at a beer bar waiting for our friend to make a selection and I was trying to play Connect Four with a girl who was genuinely interested in me as I chatted with her in my awful Thai and she was a sweetheart.  I just knew that I was going to die and I felt bad for her as she wanted to go with me and sorry, shitting your guts out with a girl in your room isn’t something I like to personally do.  So finally the friend made his selection and I made my move to get the hell back to my room but I didn’t want to waste this girl’s time.  So I paid her bar and gave her the 1000 Baht she would have gotten if she would have went with me.  Told her she had good luck and off I went to my room.  I stopped at Family Mart and got 8 bottles of water and 4 M Sport’s (think Gatorade but concentrated and way better).  I made it to my room and then the explosive diarrhea started.  Not pretty.  The one beautiful thing about Thailand is that you don’t use toilet paper except to dry your ass.  Instead you use a hose to clean yourself and then dry with the paper and toss it into the bin.  Mission accomplished.  Next part was a living hell.

I remember turning the aircon up to 30 Celsius while shivering my ass off and sweating to death at the same time.  It was all I could do and I was miserable.  After every trip to the toilet I would make sure I drank water to at least stay hydrated but it was an ongoing battle.  This was pretty much an every 30 to 45 minute event and it was all I could do to make it back to my bed because I was shaking so bad and crawl under the covers and shiver to death.  Sometime in the early hours of the morning I passed out from sheer exhaustion.  I woke up with a dire need to use the toilet again but I noticed I stopped shivering to death but the bed was literally soaked from my sweat.  I sent messages to everyone saying I was dead and that if you needed me don’t bother because I was sure I was going to die if I wasn’t already dead and in hell.  I would take a M Sport and it would keep in me for a bit but eventually it would come out of me in about 30 minutes   The only thing my system could take was water for whatever reason.  Finally around 2 or 3 in the afternoon whatever was in me came out.  I felt instant relief.  Having had food poisoning before you know when its out of your system.  You feel it leave and happily so.  Yet, the bacteria and the hell your body goes through leaves your system useless for awhile.

Finally things calmed down enough around 5 that evening that I ventured out and went to the pharmacy and explained that I had food poisoning and that while most of the immediate effects were gone, I still had.  She gave me some Norfloxacin and that settled my system down a lot but I was still sick as hell.  I remember eating at Subway and made an appearance with boys but I was in my early that night.  Me and the toilet bonding like good old friends.  Over the span of 4 days I barely ate and pretty much shit my guts out if I had anything to eat or drink that wasn’t just water.  Finally day 4 rolled around and I had enough of not being able to keep anything in me.  I broke down and got Imodium.  It took 5 tablets to finally get me to stop running to a toilet anytime something besides water touched my system.  Normally you should not take Imodium and let your system flush out naturally but when you can’t keep anything in you thats not healthy so I had no other choice.  On day 5 I had a meal at Subway and I didn’t run to a toilet praying I could get my shorts down before I shit myself.  Food poisoning just sucks.

I would love to tell you that this was my only case but nope, I went down again and this time it was my own stupidity.  I was coming in around 1 AM which is early by Pattaya standards and I had just finished picking up water and the magic that is M Sport for my room and was hungry so I stopped and got a Donner Kebab which at that late is too late to get one of them.  That meat had been there for a long time just spinning in the Thai air.  I finished it and I felt it almost immediately.  My stomach started to bloat and I was like fuck me, not again.  Sure enough, again.  More Norfloxacin to kill the bateria quickly and a few runs to a toilet but my stomach was bloated beyond belief from the gas that the food poisoning had left.  So another trip to the pharmacy for some anti-gas tablets.  The lady handed me these green tablets and said take these and I asked her for something else she said she sell me the other stuff but this was better.  I flipped it over and read it, 110mg of Peppermint Oil.  I was skeptical but it wasn’t like I could not walk to another pharmacy 20 meters down the soi.  So I bought them and I’ll be damned if they didn’t get rid of my gas that was bloating my stomach.  I felt great!  Only one day of hell from food poisoning this time and Peppermint Oil is the shit!

Big Daddy and I weren’t the only ones with food poisoning.  Scubabum got sick as well but he had a herbal remedy that he swore by, the Flying Rabbit available in all pharmacies in Thailand for .  I took a hit of the stuff and it didn’t do much for me but Scubabum swore by it and carried it around with him on his bike.  Said it fixed him right up when he felt the stomach pangs coming on.  The link of $38 for a bottle here in America is more than price paid in Thailand which was around .50 cents.  Go figure.

So there is your first real update of how I spent some quality time in Thailand.  Shitting my guts out from food poisoning.  Good times!!!!