I am going to start the Costa Rica trip report finally.  With the website moved and my man flu passed I’m ready to start.  I should start out that I kept this trip very secret to avoid the usual shit from the Costa Rica Sucks Club membership.  I am the sitting president and I didn’t want to catch a rash of shit about going.  Costa Rica does still suck for mongering but I went for another reason.  In photography parlance it’s a target rich environment and I really wanted to hit the streets for some photography.  If you know my other site, those pictures are slowly being released as I process them.  If you don’t and I don’t know you well sucks to be you.  With my plan in place I arranged to get picked up by Pura Vida Transport who really is a nice guy and I have known him for years.  Steve will hook you up and take you to where you need to go and back and he can keep a secret so arrangements were made for my pickup on 9/12.

My first day in Costa Rica wasn’t one where I was coming from home.  Instead I went straight from working in Orlando, Florida on a Delta flight into Atlanta.  My Orlando flight left at 6 AM and while I could have taken a 7:20 flight, if there was a delay and I missed the connection into Costa Rica I was fucked until the later flight that day so 6 AM it was.  We landed early in San Jose at 11:30 but I would love to say I blew through customs and immigrations.  No, that was a 45 minute wait into Dante’s Hell.  Each new row a new level in hell.  I was stuck with these fucktard frat boys who thought American meant entitlement to be an asshole.  These guys were dropping fuck and and being belligerent dicks to all around them.  Some older guy grasping desperately at his youth decided to council them loudly about fucking some whore out of the Del Rey.  I personally wanted to stab them and most people around them did as well.  If it wasn’t for the fact they were holding up me from getting a beer if I killed them I think I would have.  Finally get to the nice customs lady, blah blah in Spanish (easier than Thai) with the one question I never been asked before, “How long are you staying?”, being asked and I told her 5 days and she stamped me in.  Cleared the scanner and then jumped in line to get a SIM card for my phone.

I had forgotten Latin American efficiency which is non-existent.  Thailand may be retarded at times but buying a SIM at the airport is a 5 minute process with minimal communication.  You get handed a SIM card and away you go.  Not so in Costa Rica.  Some fucking Spanish bitch (as in from Spain) and her husband/boyfriend/thug kept asking questions to the one god damn counter that was open.  Which then prompted deep answers from the sales woman which took another 10 fucking minutes out of my life.  I would have let this all go but the immigration experience left me a bit testy and the other people behind the counter, oh I forgot, there was other people there but they were counting fucking SIM cards talking to a manger about who fucking knows what, then the Spanish bitch asks about internet service on the SIM.  I think the other register lady knew there was about to be an international incident so she quickly opened up and I got my SIM.  From deplane to taxi gauntlet one hour of my life I will never get back.  Great start of a trip.

Steve from Pura Vida Transport was outside waiting for me.  If you haven’t seen the taxi gauntlet outside the airport it’s intimidating as shit unless you are used to third world shit holes.  Seeing how I am; I ignored them found Steve and away we went.  I could bore everyone with the banal conversation we had talking about life on the ride to the Sportsmens Lodge (SL) but I won’t.  Just assume it was a non-eventful ride until we roll to the SL.  We go to park and the gritty (I’m being generous here) looking parking guy and Steve start screaming at each other.  Words were exchanged to the effect of suck my dick you mother fucker and I hope you die you gringo fucker.  In all, a warm welcome.  Steve stormed off and I grabbed my bags and asked the gritty parking guy what the problem was.  He looked at me full of hate so he got a fuck you on top of what Steve already dished out and away I went.

Get to the desk and everything is good to go with my reservation. I was in the Fiesta Room in the old clubhouse area.  Small and cheap and thats all I really cared about.  Some guys travel for luxury and I just don’t.  I’m far from cheap but I’m just not spending money on a room I’m barely in.  Has a bed, a shitter, and a shower along with a safe it will suit my needs.  Fiesta room had all of those so I was good.  Steve makes an appearance and drools over my camera gear and tells me that the parking guy was pissed that Steve more or less parked for free for 10 minutes this morning while doing another pickup.  In typical third world shit hole fashion, live for the moment which meant that the guy threw away a full paying price because of a 10 minute freebie earlier in the day with someone that is regularly there.  Stupid but hey, not my problem.  I unpacked and Steve left my room so I could take a shower and he was reluctant to wash my back but I did point out that it’s not gay because no eye contact would have been made.  He still left.

I went to the bar and Steve and I hung out and he made some rounds doing the business owner glad handing thing that is required while I oogled the bartenders (attractive) and checked out some of the talent.  I wasn’t remotely interested at that point but did have a cialis in me so if the wind blew right I would pop a stiffy.  We hung out for a bit and we wandered down to the Hotel Little Havana (HLH) and its where I first saw Valentina with her glasses.  A few more beers and meeting and greeting and we had lunch down there.  It was most excellent and I bought Steve’s.  I also took the opportunity to do some photography as we walked to and from Hotel Little Havana.  No I didn’t do anything there but it was good to just wander around.  I will report that while there was no Boyd, both owners of HLH said hello to me.  So rest assured, nothing has changed if you frequent there.

Steve and I wander back to the SL and I plop my rapidly wearing out ass at the bar and start to see the place come alive as it was dusk now.  Steve wandered off to do the meet and greet thing again and I met Bill’s brother who I guess also owns a stake in the SL.  One of the owners of the HLH showed up and bought me a beer which I was content with.  It was then I ran into a girl I knew from about 5 years ago and we caught up.  She always had a thing for me and I had a cialis in me.  She offered it for free (True) and by this point I was hitting the wall with sleep and the 8 or 9 beers I had were catching up to me.  So I said night to Steve and the girl and I wandered back to the room.

I’ll leave it up to you and your imagination on how wild the sex was but consider I was dead tired and half drunk.  She did get off because I can dine at the Y with the best of them and she banged me and we finished.  It was a mercy fuck on both of our accounts, she wanted me and while I didn’t really want her it was there and available and free.  So hey, deed done.  Yes, I did give her “taxi money” because she isn’t a stunner as she is past her prime but whatever.  Deed done and she was out of there.  She promised to come and see me the next night.  You can guess if I ever saw her again.  Don’t really care one way or another as I had other plans anyways.

I could have caught a second wind but I debated on this and said fuck it.  I’m fucked, I’m sleepy, bed is comfortable I’m going to sleep.  So the wild man that I am went to bed at 9:30.  I roll wild like that.  Go me!

Hence ended Costa Rica trip report: day one.  Would day two be any better?  Stay tuned bitches.

Spanky